Hebrews 9:11-14; Mark
10:32-45
Whenever we
catch a glimpse of our personal brokenness and weakness, we may experience a
temptation to think that there is no hope for us to find healing and strength, regardless
of what we do. We may easily accept that
we are simply too far gone to ever come to our senses and find our way home
like the prodigal son. We may believe that
no amount of repentance could ever enable us to be restored as God’s beloved
sons and daughters. On this last Sunday of Great Lent, the Church calls us to
refuse to be distracted by such foolish and prideful notions as we celebrate our
Righteous Mother Mary of Egypt, who became a glorious saint despite her
previously wretched way of life. In her brutally
honest account of her youth, St. Mary describes how she had from the age of
twelve endured the miserable existence of a sex addict. She had refused money for her innumerable
encounters with men and said that she “had an insatiable desire and an
irrepressible passion for lying in filth. This was life to me. Every kind of
abuse of nature I regarded as life.”
Though we do not know why she left her parents’ home at a young age, she
may well have been a victim of sexual abuse.
She confessed forcing herself on “youths even against their own will” as
she sailed to Jerusalem and said that she was actually “hunting for youths” on
the streets on the feast of the Exaltation of the Cross when she followed the
crowds to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher.
When an
invisible force prevented Mary from entering the Church in order to venerate
the Cross, her eyes were opened to her wretchedness and she pleaded for the
help of the Theotokos in finding salvation.
Thus began her almost 50 years of intense ascetical struggle in the
desert. By the time Father Zosima
stumbled upon her, Mary had become so radiant with holiness that she walked on water, rose above the ground in prayer, was
clairvoyant, and knew the Scriptures, even though she had never read them. Pride had no place in her soul, as she was
aware only of her sinfulness and ongoing need for the Lord’s mercy. Mary was not focused on achieving any earthly
goal, but instead on doing whatever was necessary to find healing and
restoration as a beloved daughter of the Lord, a living icon of Christ.
So much religion in our world today
is merely a smattering of pious platitudes and sentiments intended to help people
feel better about indulging their passions, whatever they may be. This is hardly a new problem, for our Lord’s
disciples betrayed, denied, and abandoned Him when they finally realized that
He was not going to become a conventional political ruler who would satisfy
their desires for earthly glory with victory over the Roman Empire. As today’s gospel reading shows, even as the
Savior predicted His Passion, the disciples James and John were jockeying for
position by asking for places of prominence when He came into what they thought
would be earthly power. They had no idea
what they were asking, of course, for the path to our Lord’s Kingdom requires taking
up our crosses in union with His great Self-Offering. Doing so has nothing to
do with ruling over anyone in this world but requires persistent, humble
obedience whereby we open ourselves to receive the healing divine mercy of the
Lord. Through the struggle of
reorienting ourselves to the blessedness of a Kingdom not of this world, we learn
not to entrust our hearts to the false gods of our passions and instead gain
the strength to manifest Christ’s merciful, selfless love for our neighbors,
regardless of who they are. As He said, “For
the Son of man also came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as
a ransom for many.”
The struggles of Lent teach us that prayer, fasting,
almsgiving, and other spiritual disciplines are not tools to help us achieve any
earthly goal. Instead, they help us to see
more clearly where we stand in relation to God so that we will be able to offer
ourselves more fully to receive His healing.
Our great difficulty in doing so shows how far we are from becoming like
God in holiness. To recognize that truth
and still persist in repentance requires suffering because of the inevitable
tension between the corruption and weakness of our souls and the blessedness
and strength to which the Lord calls us.
It is not a punishment but simply the consequence of enduring the
struggle necessary to become a beautiful living icon of the Savior.
St. Mary of Egypt did not allow the hurt pride called
shame to keep her from facing the truth about her spiritual state or from
taking up her cross in the difficult way that was necessary for her healing. She did not accept the lie that she should embrace
and act on her inclinations, habits, and compulsions to be true to
herself. She did not distract herself
from confronting her sins by condemning others or trying to use religion as a
tool to gain anything in this world. Instead,
she had the humble courage to entrust herself fully to the ministry of
the “High Priest of the good things to come…[Who] through His own blood,
entered in once for all into the holy place, having found eternal redemption.” Her example shows that absolutely nothing we
have done, said, or thought makes it impossible for us to find the healing of
our souls through Him. St. Mary of Egypt
is a shining example of hope for us all.
Like
her, we must confront truthfully how we have corrupted ourselves in order to
open our hearts to Christ for His healing.
His own disciples betrayed, denied, and abandoned Him because they
wanted a Messiah Who would serve their desires for earthly power and
glory. As Christ said, “the Son
of man will be delivered to the chief priests and the scribes, and they will
condemn Him to death, and deliver Him to the Gentiles. And they will mock Him, and scourge Him, and
spit upon Him, and kill Him; and after three days He will rise.” Acquiring the spiritual strength to serve
such a Lord does not come easily to people like us who are so weakened by
slavery to our passions. That
is why we need the holy mystery of Confession in Lent to gain the strength necessary
to follow our Lord to His Cross and empty tomb.
It is only through humble repentance that we may acquire the persistent
obedience shown by St. Mary of Egypt. Like
her, we must refuse to let anything, including our own hurt pride, keep us from
confronting our personal brokenness with brutal honesty as we take up our own
crosses in faithfulness to the Savior Who offered up Himself for the salvation
of the world. Not one of us is too far gone to embrace the healing mercy of the
One Who rose victorious over death itself on the third day.
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