Today we remember St. Mary of Egypt for having the courage to
acknowledge the obscene mess she had become and then to do what it took to set
things right. When an invisible force prevented her from entering the Church of
the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, she asked for the help of the Theotokos,
entered the church to venerate the Holy Cross, and obeyed a divine command to
spend the rest of her life in repentance and strict asceticism as a hermit in
the desert. When the monk Zosima stumbled upon her almost 50 years later,
he was amazed at her holiness. But like all the saints, she was aware
only of her sins and her ongoing need for God’s mercy.
Much
less attuned to the truth about themselves were the disciples James and John
when they asked to have privileged places of power in the Kingdom proclaimed by
Jesus Christ. The
Lord had just told the disciples that He would suffer, die, and rise again, but
these two continued to think in worldly terms of a political kingdom on this
earth and were grasping for power. The
Savior corrected them by saying that they did not know what they were asking,
for the way of His Kingdom requires making a selfless offering of oneself to
God, drinking the cup and undergoing the baptism of suffering and death. This
is the way of Christ, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but
to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
It takes deep spiritual courage to confront
the truth that we have been living in ways contrary to God’s will. It was not easy for power-hungry disciples to
give up their dreams of political success and learn how to follow a Lord Who
brings salvation to the world through His cross and empty tomb. It was not easy
for a grossly immoral person like St. Mary of Egypt to renounce her comfortable
and pleasure-filled life in order to repent in the desert. And it is not easy for any of us to recognize
the truth about our own failings, weaknesses, and habits of word, thought, and
deed that have put roadblocks on our pathway to holiness.
It takes a particular kind of courage
to do so, but we must undertake the hard work of opening the eyes of our souls
to reality and taking the steps that are necessary for us to participate
personally in Christ’s healing and strength. Of course, we never earn or
deserve the Lord’s mercy, but we must cooperate with Him by recognizing what we
have done to ourselves and repenting in humility as best we can. He enables us all to do that; and the more
humbly we repent, the more we open ourselves to His grace and transforming
power.
A Church that makes great saints out
of former prostitutes, murderers, and adulterers is both realistic about the corruption
of our lives and optimistic that there is hope for every one of us to set
things right and live faithfully because of the mercy of Jesus Christ. But we must have the courage to recognize
honestly our brokenness, sickness, and imperfection, and then have the
fortitude to take the often painful steps that are necessary to reorient our
lives toward the Kingdom. We may not
have to spend fifty years in the desert like St. Mary of Egypt or be corrected
face-to-face like James and John were by the Lord, but like them we must have
the humble strength necessary to recognize the tension between our present
spiritual sickness and the goal of the blessed life to which we are
called. It is in that tension and
struggle that we will find our salvation if we have the courage to accept the
truth about ourselves and then do what we must in order to turn things around
by participating more fully in the life of Christ.
As we stand near the end of Great
Lent, we have all learned at least something about our spiritual state. Perhaps we have wrestled with our passions
and they have gotten the better of us.
Perhaps we have not even tried to pray, fast or otherwise deny
ourselves, or become more generous to the needy. Maybe we have not really pursued forgiveness,
reconciliation, and repentance.
Regardless, it should be clear to us all by now that we need healing and
strength beyond our own power, for we are all weak, sick, and so easily
distracted. To recognize that is no
shame, but simply the lesson learned by all the great sinners who have come to
their senses and begun the journey home.
Before we begin the journey to the
cross on Palm Sunday, there is still time to examine our souls with brutal
honesty, confess and repent, and take the steps we can to follow in the way of
Jesus Christ. He made holy people out of
prostitutes and power-mongers and He will do the same with us, if we will only
repent with courageous honesty and humility. Yes, there is hope even for you and me
through humble repentance that opens us to the mercy of the Lord. 
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